Elmo Birthday and Easter Baskets

Ten new things I have experienced with Kayeso in the last month
10. His favorite color is orange, or he just loves saying orange I don’t know.
9. He loves to describe whether we are inside or outside and the temperature of the weather hot or cold.
8. Kayeso is learning his letters and numbers. He drew a y for the first time today.
7. Kayeso loves to watch the same shows over and over right now. He mostly likes Curious George and Cailou.
He is upset because Yordie doesn’t want to be Rosie when he plays Cailou. She says, “I’m not a baby.”
6. Thursdays he spends time with my parents, Nana and Papa, so instead of it being Thursday it is Papa Day when he wakes up. Nana is a little bummed.
5. His favorite phrase is “Kayeso do it.”
4. Kayeso rode a skateboard for the first time and loved it.
3. Kayeso loves to eat at Carl’s Junior. He starts saying “Happy Happy Happy”as we approach.
2. Kayeso loved Easter. He talked about his basket for two weeks before Easter everyday. He wanted to know when it would be Basket Day.
1. Kayeso turns 5 on May 18th. We are having breakfast with Elmo and Friends at Sea World for his Birthday.  He says on Elmo Day Kayeso is 5.

We went and got our court date on Friday for the readoption.It will be May 14th. Wow how quick. For those in California you can definitely do it yourself

 

The Communication Gap

People often ask Brian and I how it is communicating with an older child in the first few weeks home. I have realized that although at times it is challenging it is also not a major obstacle. You can communicate with Amharic that you know, and hand signals are key in the early weeks. Many things are just understood through nonverbal communication.

I watched my new 4 year old son playing in the yard at my parents’ house today with my 3 1/2 year old daughter. As they played and talked to each other language was not important. They enjoyed being together, and they enjoyed each other as people even though they don’t speak the same language. Their laughter and smiles said so much. The brother my daughter had wished for was now here with her, and that was all that is important.

 

10 New Things I have Gotten to Experience with Kayeso This Week

10. His excitement on riding on a flying mechana “an airplane.” It looks like a flying car.
9. Turning on and off Light switches 100 times a day.
8. Wearing our shoes to bed. Can’t take off those Elmo shoes Mom gave us.
7. His obession with watching the Food Network 24 hours a day.
6. Looking at himself in every mirror possible.
5. His first experience with self flushing toilets.
4. Learning how to use a drinking fountain, and that we don’t wash our hands in it.
3. The look on his face when he learned that his sandles light up.
2. Riding the escalator 100 million times at the Washington airport.
1. Watching his love for glow sticks at our neighbor’s New Year’s Party last night.
I am so glad to have my baby home with us, and that we have completed our family. I am just trying to enjoy every minute in the chaos with my 4 beautiful children.

 

The Waiting Place

I read Estifanos Oh The Places You Will Go the other night, and when I got to the part about the Waiting Place it hit home.  The whole book actually hit home.  On any given day I feel excitement for Kayeso to come home, happiness for him to join our family and to be his Mom, sadness he is not here yet,  and anxiety about his needs and caring for four children.

Are we ready?  Are we prepared?  Are the kids ready?  Are the kids prepared?  How do I feel?  How does Brian feel?  How do the kids feel?  These are all questions that we are asked about a zillion times a day, and that I think about from the moment I wake up til my head hits the pillow.  When I am at a soccer game, making lunches, at work, a dance class, church, or in he quiet of the night I think about how life will be different in less than three months.

Are we all ready?  We talk about it on a daily basis, but I don’t know if you are ever fully ready.  Who knows what the future holds.  I am just ready to stop waiting and get to travel to get my son, and begin our journey as a complete family.

 

The Ethiopian Connection

I was reminded this past couple of weeks how blessed we are to be a part of the Ethiopian community, and the amazing culture our kids come from.

It has been a hectic few weeks with school starting, soccer in full swing with Brian coaching both teams, gymnastics, dance, church activities, preparing to travel to bring Kayeso home in a couple of short months, oh and don’t forget that thing called work.  In the midst of all these hectic times at moments I am reminded of our kids’ culture and the amazing Ethiopian people that we get to meet and share with frequently.

A couple of weeks ago we were at an Ethiopian adoption picnic with all familes who have adopted in southern California mostly San Diego.  It is amazing to watch this younger generation of Ethiopian-American kids as the grow into themselves each time I see them. 

Brian went to get gas for our BBQ at the gas station, and he asked, “Where is a picture of Kayeso?”  The lady who works at the gas station immigrated here many years ago from Ethiopia and adores our kids. 

We went out to eat at the local Ethiopian restaurant last night, and the young man in his 20’s had  certain fondness for Yordie because his sister’s name is also Yordanos.  My kids were like there is a, “big Ethiopian kid.” 

 Last but definitely not least there is the young man who works at my dad’s office who adores our kids. His mom who we have never met is making Kayeso and our other kids a present that we are not sure exactly what it is, but we are so excited to get. 

We are so grateful to the Ethiopian community here for their support of our family, and for them reminding our kids where they came from and who they are.  In a world of school, sports, friends, and media it is easy to forget where you came from.  It is special to have mentors in their lives besides us to remind them of their journey, and what makes them who they are.

 

Match Day

We are so excited!  We were matched today with our son. Kayeso just turned four years old.  We have been working on getting matched for a couple of weeks, but he needed paperwork, and we did also.  Tonight we told our kids, and showed them pictures of him, and it all became real.  Our family is complete.

I think the thing Brian and I have learned from this experience is the importance of people considering adopting a waiting child.  It amazes us that people wait close to a year for a two year old when you could adopt a waiting child who is just slightly older.  Estifanos who came home at 3 1/2 does not remembers very little about Ethiopia, and blends his few memories of his first mom with me.  All children need homes, and they are all just babies. 

I had planned on adopting a two year old, but I am so excited to have my beautiful son.  Life isn’t always what we plan.  I hadn’t planned on Yordie, I hadn’t planned on adopting siblings, and I hadn’t initially planned on Ethiopia, but I guess life can’t be about plans.  Three years ago I was a married woman with no kids who wanted a family, and thought maybe someday I will be blessed with one or two.    Now I am blessed with four amazing kids ranging in age from 3-7.  Some say we are crazy.   

I feel blessed to be Kayeso’s mom.  As I go to bed tonight I know who my son is, and I am so excited to meet him, hold him, play with him, bring him home, and start our life together.  I hope he knows tonight that he has a mom, dad, 2 sisters, a brother, and so many other people who already love him.

 

Life In the Adoption World Is Like a Roller Coaster

This has been my last week in the world of adoption

Monday:  We get approved by our agency to take a waiting child, and adopt out of birth order.    We email the worker in charge of waiting children.  I pick up our homestudy at our local agency that was finished earlier that day.

Tuesday:  We attempt to live, work, and of course wait since waiting children worker is on vacation.  I mail our homestudy and last of paperwork to agency.  Brian attempts to go to get CIS approval, but their computers are down.  They promise to process it when computers are running again.

Wednesday:  We wait, and attempt to live normally.  Estifanos goes to cardiologist for annual checkup, which is always stressful.  They tell us that for another year he is doing well, and does not need surgery because he has no symptoms.

Thursday:  We get a call from waiting child worker who has been on vacaction.  She tells us process in which we can get information on one child at time.  How do we pick?  They are all amazing kids, and are all in our age range.  We decide on three, and ask some questions to narrow it down to one.  The one we get information on is amazing, and he is in our hearts already.  We find out he needs one more piece of paperwork, and we need our CIS approval.

Friday:  Wait.  Our agency notifies us they have everything, but our CIS approval.  That litlle boy is in  our hearts, our thoughts, and our minds.

Saturday:  As I write this I have his picture in my head.  I hope it works out.  I want to tell the kids soon, so I hope it all comes together this week.  I look at his picture, and I think of all the blessings I have and that he hopefully will complete our family.  I want to be his mom.

 

An Unplanned Life

Another adoption has turned our world upside down, and changed the plans that we thought were certain.  We were in the process of finishing up our homestudy, dossier, and other paperwork to adopt a toddler boy from Ethiopia to complete our family. 

About a week ago we got a weekly update on all the waiting children who need homes.  We thought look at all these children, and in an instance what we thought we knew changed.    There were at least two children in between Yordie and Estifanos’s age that were waiting.  We are now seriously considering and talked to our agency about taking an older child about 4.  This does run into difficulties with birth order, but Yordie is our baby and to keep that role in the family would be great for her.  That would put the two boys in the middle, which Estifanos would most likely enjoy more in the long run. 

We are now scurrying to finish paperwork, get CIS approval, and talk to our agency about our options.  It was funny because the other day one of our adoption workers asked about how something made us feel.  I thought in the last 3 years I have had an adoption fall through, changed countries, adopted two older siblings, dealt with grief issues with a five year old who didn’t speak English, dealt with a heart condition with a three year old, found out about another sibling, adopted her, traveled twice to Ethiopia, and raised three amazing kids.  So now we are flexible and ready for another adoption adventure.

 

Talking about adoption

I have had to take parenting classes on line recently for our current adoption.  It  is funny because as I take classes on medical issues or how to discuss with your child their adoption story it is clinical.  I can relate to that as a social worker myself, but also I can relate to that they can’t teach you in a book. how to deal with these complex issues.  On one hand only life experience can teach you that. 

It is similar to the way a close friend of mine, and I relate to the field of social work.  I have years of experience in  with homeless mentally ill folks around the country, and a clinical license but I have never fought true poverty.  I can imagine and empathize.  My friend on the other hand has life experiences that shape her view of the world, and make her a great clinician, although she hasn’t had the training or education.  I teach her everyday, and she teaches me.  This is similar to how each child is different in their adoption story, due to who they are.  You can learn some of this in a book, but other times you learn from experience how to handle these issues.

My oldest, who is 7 loves to talk about Ethiopia, and her first mom.  We talk about her and their life frequently.  She has pictures of her and us on her dresser, and we talk about her feelings of transition, joy, loss, grief and resilience.

My 5 year old son though, is the complete opposite.  They are 18 months apart, but so different. He was three when he arrived home, and has never wanted to talk much about Ethiopia or his first life.  He usually asks can we talk about something else.  With him I look for those moments when we can talk and share stories of his past.  Today I was watching a video at the Horizon House kitchen (where the kids from Wide Horizons stay before they are adopted.)  He came in the room when he heard Ethiopian music on the computer.  He asked if that was  the place where he lived with his first mom.  I told him that is where he stayed after he left her before we came to get him.  He talked to me about how they used to play freeze tag there, and told me of other experiences he had there.  Some were reality and some make believe.  He has a vivid imagination. We then discussed that was where his little brother will be when we go to get him.  He told me, “I can’t wait to meet him.”  

In that moment I realized every child and every situation is different, and through my own adoption experience I learn how to deal with these issues as they arise.  I become a better mom with each conversation.  I have three very different children, who handle their adoption journey very differently.  I wonder what my last baby boy will be like.  “I can’t wait to meet him.”

 

Wow She is 7!

Dear Meron,

To my oldest on your 7th Birthday. You have been home 2 years this week. I hope you have a great Birthday weekend. You deserve only the best in this world. I love you so much. You have turned into such a amazing young girl. You excel in everything you do from school, soccer, acting, swimming, and gymnastics. You are a great daughter, sister, granddaughter, friend, cousin, and niece. You teach me new things everyday.

I watched you on your jumper today with all your friends, opening your Hannah Montana and High School Musical presents, and enjoying a beautiful day at the park. I thought of where two years has taken you. On your 5th Birthday we celebrated at The Hilton Hotel in Ethiopia after you had only known us 4 days. Nana just commented to me the other day as we discussed that you were reading at a grade level ahead, “What would have been if she had stayed in Ethiopia?” I just told her I have to think of what is. I am so grateful for your education, friends, and life you have here, although I also grieve with you the loss of your life in Ethiopia.

Two years ago this week you made the hardest journey one can make in their life. You said goodbye to your first mom, to Ethiopia, and traveled on a plane to America where you knew no one and no English two days after your 5th Birthday. You welcomed Dad and I as your new parents. You learned to trust and love us unconditionally. You helped Estifanos adjust and feel secure in his own transition to America. You offered love to Yordie when you were reunited with her after not being together for several months. You remind her of life in Ethiopia, and of your first family. You also look in anticipation at being a big sister yet again when little brother arrives home next year. Thank you for always being flexible as life changes. I can’t wait to watch you grow over the next year.

Love

Mom